3 things My Mom Loves (or Hates!) about Financial Planning
DEAR ADVISORS,
Do you have any couples you work with where the husband is responsive and engaged, but the wife won’t even come to meetings? Okay, confession time… that couple is my parents! When I started working at my family’s office, my dad had me test our new planning software by doing a financial plan update for him and my mom. I had to drag my mom to the office to look at the plan and she had a depressing “we’ll never be able to afford anything” attitude the entire time, even though their plan looked really good! Maybe financial planning isn’t for everyone, but my mom did an amazing job teaching us practical money skills growing up. In honor of Mother’s Day yesterday, I got to talk with my mom about her perspective on money. There are two things she wanted to share about money that really worked for our family.
When my siblings and I were growing up, my mom found us matching piggy banks. They weren’t actually little pigs; each one looked like a shopping center, with three buildings next to each other to make separate compartments. One building was a bank, the next was a toy store, and the third was a church. Whenever we got our allowance, we split it up between savings in the bank, spending in the store, and giving in the church. We would keep paper taped to the back to keep a log of money going in and out of each compartment. As an adult, I now have the skills to compartmentalize my income responsibly because my mom taught us this skill. We always had to ask for our allowance because our parents would forget, but it was always a lot of fun splitting our money between the compartments on pay day! It was like financial planning for kids!
My mom always tells us a story about how she was about to graduate from college and become a physical therapist when my dad asked her to marry him. We all have different values, and it was important to my dad that my mom stayed home to raise us kids. After they got married, my mom made the big decision to put her career on hold when she got pregnant with me. My mom said that as a stay-at-home mom, she always appreciated that my dad referred to his income as “our money” instead of “his money”. They had joint bank accounts, which mom said helped her feel safe and secure. Now that all of us kids are grown, my mom works as a physical therapist, and they still share the joint bank accounts. She said every couple is different, and joint bank accounts aren’t a requirement for a healthy, happy marriage, but this is one example of how my dad did a great job of including my mom and her feelings in his financial plan.
When my husband and I got married, we did marriage counseling with our pastor, and we also did a marriage assessment called SYMBIS, which stands for Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts. We actually started it right after we got married, because it’s helpful at any time during a relationship. One of the most fascinating exercises was where we compared how our parents divided the household chores and how we divide them in our relationship! The messages we get about life and money growing up hugely influence our expectations about our marriage today. I got to share with my husband about my mom’s experiences, and the things she taught us about money growing up. Fortunately, my husband and I came from similar backgrounds, so we not only approach our division of chores the same way, but even our money mindsets are very similar! Every relationship is improved by spending time to get on the same page about money listen to each others questions or concerns. That’s what we do as part of the financial planning process. Our goal is to make it engaging and rewarding for both spouses, so you can secure the future of your family and your financial advisory firm!
Warm regards,
Brooklyn
P.S.
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